Some days are better than others. Yesterday I found taking a restorative class was the right remedy to sweetly fall into the quiet of my mind. Today however it was a faster paced vinyasa class that was the right remedy for getting out of my mind, because my mind was like a runaway freight train that throughout the day just continued to pick up speed. I was in the vortex of memories and sadness, and I knew that Ashleigh’s Slow Jams at 5:30 this evening would be an excellent opportunity to get out of my head and into my body.
A vinyasa (movement) class is a fine way to sync the rhythm of your breath with the flow of your body. In the beginning of my yoga journey, many years ago now, I really did not enjoy vinyasa classes. They were challenging for me, and the heat that developed in my body brought along with it a heat of anger in my mind. Over the last couple of years as my practice has deepened I have found myself enjoying the faster paced yoga more and more. With my injuries I am required to pay a bit more attention as to not hurt myself as I move with more quickness, however this awareness keeps me in the present moment and that I find to be one of the most valuable gifts of my yoga practice.
Tonight’s class sequence was delicious, the music was just right and it seemed to me to go by in such a flash I was surprised to find myself in Savasana. By then my mind had quieted down and I had dropped into my body which was ready to let the tears flow, which they did and quickly a gush of sorrow leaving my body.
Being not new to the death of loved ones, I am becoming a veteran of sorts in the realms of grief. It is because of my experience that I am able to know what is coming as I can feel the waves of emotion begin to move in like a thunder storm, and tonight’s class was like letting open the spill ways of a dam. Knowing myself and my needs, another valuable tool that I have gained over these years of practice, I decided that I would be better served if I left class a little early. Sometimes the right choice is to be with how you feel without having to share or explain yourself. Fortunately I know that the teachers at Shree are all the best kind of Yoga teachers and are not passing judgement on the students for meeting their needs, so I left without guilt.
Now, I share these emotions from the quiet and safety of my home, yet in an even more vulnerable way, on the internet, for the whole world to see. When I decided sharing my personal challenge experience was a good idea, I really had no idea how much I would truly reveal in the end. This is life I guess, always surprising us and giving us room to grow. Growing I am doing, if not in the asana, than in my relationship to my emotional experience.
Thank you for witnessing my journey thus far. Should you too choose to challenge yourself, I know that no matter how you arrive or depart through the welcoming doors at Shree you will find yourself continually more aware of who you are and how you came to be that. In that is the most beautiful gift, because from the place of personal awareness you can choose to respond to your life in ways that self empower you, and self embrace you, no matter who you are.
Enjoy your evening, Love,